Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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