Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
