i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
