I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
