mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
