She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
