one two three fourrrrnication!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
