Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
