HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
