I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
