I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
