what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
