I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
