The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
