is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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