Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
