the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
