It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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