I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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