I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
