hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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