Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
