Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
