This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
