But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
