Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
