it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
