So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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