I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so let's talk penis.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
