So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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