Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i think i have two assholes
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
