That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
