We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
