Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
