Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
