Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
