how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
