Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
