Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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