i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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