Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
