im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
