Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
