I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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