I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
