allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
