UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
