Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
