Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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