And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
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I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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