One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
