he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize