yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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