Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm too high and old for this...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
