My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
