Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
