You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
