Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
