onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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