last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
