I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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