I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
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Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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