I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
