this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
