Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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