Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
