For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want her autograph on my taint
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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