Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
