so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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