fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
