I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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