put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat