problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
