Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
