you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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