You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize