i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
