dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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