I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
