my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just gift wrapped bread.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
pray to the hookup gods
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
